tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85072911192649996462024-03-08T15:12:36.731-08:00Susie ShortsTeeny, tiny one-line stories that don't mean much... but I gotta put them somewhere.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comBlogger191125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-40892833631342060192019-03-23T08:31:00.003-07:002019-03-23T08:31:55.991-07:003/23/19Prior to leaving for Camp Lamentar, a recently established all-girls rehabilitation center for unwanted Girl Scouts set in the secluded hills of Rhode Island, Claudmilia set about the seemingly mundane (but yet surprisingly satisfying) task of attaching name tags to her laundry, tampon applicators and dangling participles.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-39246255723444048072019-03-03T10:56:00.001-08:002019-03-03T10:56:04.817-08:003/3/19In their latest move to accommodate those who were medically sensitive to the chemicals found in perfumes and colognes, the City of Dribblebaum sent notice to its residents asking them to refrain from wearing scented products, including but not limited to deodorants, hairsprays, deli meats, Vicks VapoRub, Irish nonfiction and the letter K.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-34009852213924266182019-03-03T10:36:00.004-08:002019-03-03T10:36:53.493-08:002/28/19After nearly thirty years of hard-core thriftiness, Gotswalda was, at long last, ready to book the vacation of her dreams: a four-day, all-expenses-paid cruise to Smashing Dick, Colorado, home of her only bucket-list destination, the Tomb of the Unknown Tupperware Lady.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-48410728981559009462019-03-03T10:18:00.000-08:002019-03-03T10:19:14.769-08:002/15/19Following a long career in the obscure sport of Welterweight Knitting, Ervinia rejected the traditional concepts of retirement by hitting the open road in her newly formed mobile business, Tony's Tampon Truck.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-77911823367547275682014-03-31T07:52:00.000-07:002014-03-31T07:52:06.914-07:003/31/14Known throughout the industry as Le Grand Nez, not many would ever suspect that Petronillia, Royal Perfumist and architect of the world's most presumptuous scents including <i>Pomegranate Vomit Number 7</i> and <i>Jubilant Ambiguity</i>, was actually a closet Anosmic, the result of an unfortunate childhood toilet brush incident.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-80478097335710744572013-10-25T05:45:00.001-07:002019-03-03T10:59:24.601-08:0010/25/13<br />
Overwhelmed by the responsibility and constant fame of serving as Pettybum's official Town Tailor, Dorberteenia left it all behind to use her sewing talents for more philanthropic endeavors and hand-craft hankies for the noseless.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-87405789676891879142013-09-10T11:12:00.000-07:002013-09-10T11:17:07.235-07:009/10/13Once limited to her home's first floor due to a paralyzing case of climacophobia, Zita triumphantly circumnavigated her fear of stairs by installing a Ferris wheel, thereby gaining access to her second-floor bedroom and Chester, her pet boar, whom she had not seen in nearly seven years.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-55209686974640575322013-09-04T04:52:00.003-07:002013-09-04T05:01:45.278-07:009/4/13Since having announced her lucrative deal during last month's All-You-Can-Eat Buffet at Ye Olde Bait and Lingerie Shoppe, Erentrude has been widely ridiculed for publishing her book, a sordid biography detailing the Not-So-Merry Adventures of Robin's second cousin on his sister-in-law's side, Frank Hood.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-49076259823010819442013-08-31T06:38:00.004-07:002019-03-03T11:00:59.147-08:008/31/13Following an extensive stay at Swigglebum's Center for Rehabilitation and Tofu, Euphemia was ready to testify, before her closest friends and family, of her long-held addiction and and vow to never again prey upon, illegally procure or otherwise abuse perfectly innocent exclamation marks.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-2706500035293259892013-08-26T06:12:00.000-07:002019-03-03T11:02:08.128-08:008/26/13After years of self doubt and extensive therapy, Aphonsia felt, at long last, ready to reveal to the world her miraculous ability to teleport herself to and from the exact same location - far more quickly than can be seen by the naked eye.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-7175939288972380842013-08-05T05:21:00.002-07:002013-08-05T05:24:12.715-07:008/5/13After conducting more than two hundred in-person interviews and verifying thousands of facts over the course of six grueling years - including nine months spent in the top-secret archives of post-Soviet Russia - Lawanda was at last ready to submit the manuscript of her latest work, a scathing, highly controversial tell-all entitled <i>Bullwinkle: the Secret Life Behind the Legend</i>.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-15589233205461864862013-08-02T04:37:00.000-07:002019-03-03T11:04:36.396-08:008/2/13Late at night, after having done the dishes and walked Robert, her pet cricket, Marishinnia would ponder her humdrum job at the Monotony factory and dream that she might, one day, leave it behind for a more adventurous career as a Conjugation Coach.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-60687020806843759912013-07-09T09:44:00.001-07:002019-03-03T11:03:46.137-08:007/9/13Despite low attendance and overall lack of interest, Llewellyn enthusiastically cheered her employees' participation - and physical restraint - in this, her company's fourth annual Take your Ex-Wife To Work Day.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-86309903017963570272013-07-03T08:35:00.002-07:002013-07-03T08:36:25.977-07:007/3/13Given her keen insight on seldom known facts of farming machinery and her remarkable knowledge of second-century Tongan literature, it surprised no one that Yessenia's most recent book, <i>Not-So-Famous Quotes About Forklifts</i>, quickly took over the number 235 spot on Thistlebum's <i>Pretty Okay Books to Read</i> list.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-2246986136888539582013-06-06T04:48:00.001-07:002013-06-06T04:50:47.773-07:006/6/13Having spent the past seven years obtaining her Associates' degree in Digital Photography with a minor in Occupational Cutlery, Vernita felt, at long last, fully prepared with the skills necessary to pursue her life-long dream of being the first woman to photograph her own spleen.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-47989138590747226642013-05-06T05:46:00.003-07:002019-03-03T11:05:53.580-08:005/6/13After months of extensive research, hundreds of interviews and four long-term stays at the local hospital, Lucasta was nearing the completion of what she was certain would be her most successful how-to picture book yet, <i>387 Naughty Things to Do with Wax Vacs</i>.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-77704518527977170082013-05-01T05:26:00.004-07:002013-05-01T05:30:38.138-07:005/1/13Quietly excusing herself during the intermission of Harold's service to visit the concession stand, Alvertis thought back to that romantic afternoon so long ago at Clarence's Wake-and-Bake Funerals, when she first helped him select a recycled bamboo pyre, order the linen-embossed invitations and choose the juggling entertainment for this very day.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-152454086090949892013-02-05T07:37:00.002-08:002013-02-05T07:53:38.356-08:002/5/13Determined that something must be done regarding her propensity toward procrastination, Zenolia decided to form a collaborative to investigate the process of facilitating research to propose the possibility of initiating a formal petition for the sole purpose of finding a solution... first thing next Tuesday, right after lunch, weather permitting.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-44808684406232554372013-02-04T04:43:00.005-08:002013-02-04T10:12:43.264-08:002/4/13Although not as limber as she once was, Domineenia would happily heed the call of her townsfolk whenever she was honored with playing lead in their annual Grindleswine Cheese Dance of Love, a ritual of intricate gymnastic movements skillfully performed at dusk on the sixth Tuesday of March, while precariously perched naked atop the Double Decker burger of the local <i>Bob's Big Boy</i> sign.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-80391364277096791662013-01-15T07:16:00.003-08:002013-01-15T07:28:34.922-08:001/15/13After years of exhaustive research, Solveinia was at last ready to publish her findings on Oppositional Delusional Premature Nervous Anticipation Pruritoceptive Disorder (ODPNAPD), that rarest of dysfunctions involving anxiety toward imaginary fears of resisting one's own nonexistent thoughts, resulting in widespread itching and a propensity for after-dinner snacking.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-55371120904720518692013-01-14T05:16:00.003-08:002013-01-14T05:16:39.410-08:001/14/13Content with what others would likely describe as a humdrum existence, Salome filled her days with all the activities that pleased her most: weekly yodeling lessons, Tuesday dinners with Randall, the local Amish Electrician, and cataloguing her impressive collection of celebrity training bras.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-91629197960398958752013-01-03T07:20:00.003-08:002013-01-03T07:22:46.085-08:001/3/13Though amply stocked with a delectable assortment of exquisitely prepared confections and pastries, nearly everyone who regularly patronized Chester's Bakery of Doom was there for the sole purpose of procuring their famous Depression-era Chocolate Butterscotch Cookies, freshly made with sweet creamery butter and generously glazed with almond-flavored Milk of Magnesia.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-15431116508688468522013-01-02T06:16:00.001-08:002013-01-02T06:34:21.112-08:001/2/13Knowing that the presentation of a gift is paramount in conveying the sincerity of giving, Eulalie added a more personal touch to all those certificates for Ye Olde Chainsaw Shoppe and Spa that she'd bestowed upon her friends by kiln-firing her own custom gift wrap.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-65943753797897988572012-11-08T05:28:00.001-08:002013-01-03T06:59:59.796-08:0011/8/12Stranded at Dinklestern's County Airport and Mortuary due to weather delays and a sudden shortage of roasted peanuts, Dorinda found a quiet corner and, thankful for this unexpected opportunity to study for her upcoming certification, extracted her Wendy Welder's Travel Kit and that lucky Can-O-Slag she'd been saving for just this type of moment.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8507291119264999646.post-35033030923407836042012-11-07T06:31:00.001-08:002019-03-03T11:09:57.865-08:0011/7/12Prone to darker moods when the moon was full and her local donut shop had sold their last chocolate-covered turnip cruller, Melvina would lift her spirits by spending the afternoon reading her most favored excerpts from The Psychology of Mostly Norwegian Ostriches and pondering whether - should the book ever be made into a movie - Brad Pitt would consider the enticing role of Ásbjorn, the elusive yet mysteriously handsome Struthio rancher.Susie Rileyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01357140156731042129noreply@blogger.com